Spy:
We start off our look at “manly” fashion with the most dapper of all the murderous classes available, the Spy. The spy has many hats and weapon accessories available to him but for the purpose of this article we are only going to look at the hats. Which are: Fancy Fedora, Backbiter’s Billycock, Magistrate’s Mullet, Frenchman’s Beret and Familiar Fez.
Remember, when selecting a hat, you want to go for that all important “wow” factor that comes when the person you just killed gets a screenshot of their murderer. For this reason the man cave suggests passing on the far too understated “Fancy Fedora”. Which really, has nothing “fancy” about it. For this same reason, we would pass on the Backbiter’s Billycock and the Frenchman’s Beret. Which leaves just the Magistrate’s Mullet and the Familiar Fez. The Familiar Fez was just released as part of the Polycount pack this year and is currently all the rage but the Man Cave suggests the Magistrate’s Mullet as this season’s “must have item”.
We selected the Magistrate’s Mullet because of it’s regal look and the smile it brings to our face everytime we are killed by one of you croissant munching, deodorant avoiding, backstabbing sons of bitches. We say that with love of course.
Medic:
Here at the Man Cave we have mad no secret of our love of the German people. From their technological know how to their deliciously tasty bratwursts, we love all things German. So, we can’t pass up an opportunity to help every one's favorite “DOCTOR!!” the Medic from looking his best this fashion season. Unlike the spy, the Medic’s hat collection is anything but boring (well, aside from the Gentleman’s Gatsby that is). His hats include: Prussian Pickelhaube, Vintage Tyrolean, Otolaryngologist's Mirror, Ze Goggles and the previously mentioned Gentleman's Gatsby.
Since we have already discounted the Gentleman's Gatsby for it’s plainness, that leaves only 4 hat choices. And what stellar choices they are. Each one of these hats really has it’s own charm but one shines above all others. Along with our love for all things German, the Man Cave has never hidden it’s equally deep love for all things Ghost Busters. So, the over wealmingly obvious choice of the staff here is Ze Goggles.
With their scientific look and retro 80’s flair Ze Goggles are going to be a hit with patients and enemies alike this season.
Sniper:
For those of you who have played Team Fortress 2 you know that a true professional has standards not feelings. “Feelings are for guys who bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy!”. So, to hell with feelings we are going to use standards to judge this next entry into fashion week. Specifically, a sniper’s standards. The hats that are available to the sniper are:
Trophy Belt, Professional's Panama, Master's Yellow Belt, Shooter's Sola Topi, Bloke's Bucket Hat, Ritzy Rick's Hair Fixative and Ol' Snaggletooth.
As a sniper you need to concentrate on three things: Carefully choose your camping spot so that it will be hard for other team to spot you, making sure that you keep a sharp eye out for other snipers and blending in with your surroundings. While the hat we have chosen will not help you choose your camping spot carefully or watch out for other snipers (come on people it’s a hat, not a miracle worker!) it will help you blend in with your surroundings.
Ol’ Snaggletooth will keep your enemy guessing “is it just a crocodile or is it something more?”. Along with being arguably one of the most unique hats in the TF2 inventory, it has the added ability of making you immune to headshots when combined with the Sydney Sleeper, Darwin's Danger Shield and the Bushwacka. So get out there you animal and strut your stuff!
Engineer:
Banging away all day on a metal turret that has no appreciation of fashion can be a boring job. Good thing as an engineer you will have plenty of people stopping by your dispenser to refill on ammo and health. While they are there for a few seconds why not show them you are more than just another pretty face around here by equipping the Man Cave’s choice for the Engineer’s must have hat this season. The Engineer has several hats to choose from and they are: Mining Light, Texas Ten Gallon, Engineer's Cap, Hotrod, Safe'n'Sound and Texas Slim's Dome Shine.
As is the case with the Medic there is hardly a dull hat in the bunch. So, this was a particularly difficult pick for the Man Cave. Ultimately, our decision was based upon two factors. One, no one is going to stick around too long to study your choice of hat in detail. So, you only a few seconds to really “WOW!” them. Two, it is going to have to be intimidating to Spys because, let’s face it, they are really the only people hanging around long enough to admire your fancy head ware. With these two factors in mind, the choice was easy. Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you the Man Cave’s pick for this season’s most wanted Engineer hat: HotRod!
Yes sir, this hat shows you mean business but it also shows that you are vulnerable to hot flying metal. It changes colors depending on what team you join so you will never have to worry about not "fitting in". So, get this hat, get out there and give them a reason to hang out next to you (other than your dispenser of course).
Scout:
As you may or may not know, the scout is kind of a big deal. Well, at least that’s what he will tell you. So, this decision was a hard one for us. I mean, how do you pick just one hat when "brotha'", he makes them all look good. The scout has several wonderful hats to choose from: Batter's Helmet, Bonk Helm, Ye Olde Baker Boy, Troublemaker's Tossle Cap, Whoopee Cap, Baseball Bill's Sports Shine, Milkman and Bombing Run.
Running around and capping points is hard work. Hard, thirsty work. So, the Man Cave has decided to give Team Fortress 2’s most important class (he threatened to hurt us if we didn’t say it) a much deserved break. Here is is, this season’s must have scout hat: Bonk Helm.
As with the Engineer's hat, It automatically comes in your team colors. Now, no matter where you are on the battlefield, you will never be thirsty because Bonk Cola is just a plastic tube away.
That’s it for part one of the Man Cave’s coverage of fashion week and the many looks of Team Fortress 2. We saved the best for part two. So, join us tomorrow as we unveil this season’s must have hats for the Soldier, Demoman, Pyro and Heavy.